Our Love

Too beautiful, too beautiful to let die ,I was out of teardrops and u forgot to cry!

This is my tribute to our love, not our love story, because there never was a story in the conventional sense. Not a typical run of the mill story for sure. There was no beginning, no end, no tumultuous middle, there was a just a consistent and constant love. Like a resounding sound or reverberating music. It was just there, like the sun’s first rays or the moonbeams, it was everywhere yet one does not really sit up and take notice.

We were anyway not the regular mush-mush run of the mill lovers but two fiery, feisty kindred souls who kept fighting what they should have accepted from the first moment, that they were two of a kind, that were meant to be together forever. We both knew, we were meant to be , we knew no other way and yet caught up in our own petty egos, no one wanted to make the first move. No one ever said the word, we moved on. To different cities, different people. New lovers, new life! May be, it was easier to forget than to remember, easier to let go than to face it . No one had the courage to break the silence and fight the storm. I don’t know about you but as we moved on, in our parallel universes, something inside me snapped, a part of me died. You could never handle extremes and mediocrity is what I detest. Denial was the only weapon you knew, I never believed in it. . Even when I wanted to say it,  I was not sure of your strength, I did not want you to run away. But now, that you are gone, I have to come clean and do me a favor and do the same, wherever you are, in whichever universe, come clean. Accept it and say it out loud, give what we had the acknowledgement it deserves. I may not be able to hear you but it will be enough to know that you have said it and I will know, across distance , across time that you have !

We thought it was over but how could it ever be?

We were stupid, who were we kidding, may be , we were happy to get away. Too much love can be suffocating, it can stifle… so much pent up emotion love was killing us, it was clouding our practical judgement. We were always terrible at expression so ours was a hapless love story of ill-fated star crossed lovers or of friends who never spoke up, not out of fear but out of ignorance. , I will not play the game anymore, in any case you don’t pay by the rules. I am done with playing parts and pretending. 

Yet, the irony is that, I could write about you, not once not twice but forever and ever. I could speak to you every day, I could listen to your banter every living moment and now when you are not there, I realize that I could speak about you till the end of time. Even now, after so many years, I am never free of you. Wherever I go, there is a part of you I carry with me. In a strange sadistic way, you still dominate my thoughts, you even control my actions. I am not me anymore because of you, because of us. What we had was so real, so complete and yet so irrational and insane! May be that’s why , it was never acknowledged in words. Unfortunately, we never knew what we had, until we lost it. Now, that you are gone, there are no rules, the stakes are high…actually it can’t get higher than this, it is life or nothingness. May be, I need to breathe a little so I can die , may be, I  need to see the darkness so I can see light. Our love has the strength to transcend all boundaries, to transcend life itself. It was not for this lifetime, it went beyond, it will always be  even if we are not around, it will be, like the sun, like the moon and the stars….it will keep shining.